


Technicalities make the world go round

by LemonOtterpop



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Espionage, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, First War with Voldemort, I put additional warnings at the beginning of chapters, M/M, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, Multi, No beta we die like dehydrated worms, Pureblood Politics, Regulus Black Lives, Sibling Bonding, descriptions of injuries, if i miss anything please let me know, or at least the people we actually care about
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonOtterpop/pseuds/LemonOtterpop
Summary: Kreacher remembers being young, when the cloth he’d been given to cover himself was still large enough to drag on the floor and he had not grown into the size of his ears, sitting in his cupboard next to the other house elves that belonged to the house of black. Not his mother but close enough too, sitting and nursing burnt hands from punishment.That was the night Kreacher had learnt of technicalities. Of the correct way to dance around orders, to avoid punishment. Humans didn’t tolerate them often, certainly not Kreachers mistress, but they were useful knowledge. He used them rarely, often saw no need. This was the exception***Kreacher saves Regulus. this changes everything.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Narcissa Black Malfoy, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Regulus Black/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 25
Kudos: 199





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> this was saved in my folder as "loopholes: gods gift to house elves"
> 
> just some beginning notes:
> 
> This story is planned to be about 24 chapters long, this is subject to change. I'm working on it in parts, each part is about 6 chapters. I've finished part 1 and I am now editing the chapters to post them, I'll be posting hopefully at least once a week. this story is also the base point for a series I'd like to start but I'm making no promises.
> 
> if there's anything I need to tag that I haven't, let me know and as always enjoy reading, I hope you're all having a wonderful day :-)

Kreacher remembers being young, when the cloth he’d been given to cover himself was still large enough to drag on the floor and he had not grown into the size of his ears, sitting in his cupboard next to the other house elves that belonged to the house of black. Not his mother but close enough too, sitting and nursing burnt hands from punishment.

“humans are forgetful sometimes” they say, being very, very careful with the welted and blistered skin of Kreachers fingers “they give instructions but do not specify, they expect elves to know what they want without asking”

That was the night Kreacher had learnt of technicalities. Of the correct way to dance around orders, to avoid punishment. Humans didn’t tolerate them often, certainly not Kreachers mistress, but they were useful knowledge. He used them rarely, often saw no need. This was the exception.

Master Regulus had drunk the potion, the horrible potion that made Kreacher remember the welts and blisters and awful pain of watching his not mother but close enough be banished from the house of black when she’d gone too far with her loopholes. He had drunk the potion and ordered Kreacher to go with the locket.

Kreacher had done as he was ordered, left Master Regulus behind in the cave and thrown the locket in the fire to destroy it. He had seen his orders through, done as his master asked. Now, he returns to the cave.

Master Regulus had told him to leave, but he had not forbidden Kreacher from returning. He would not think too, when Kreacher was usually such a good elf, who often did not use the loopholes he had been taught to find since he was young.

Kreacher was going to keep his master safe.

***

Regulus had known he was going to die in that cave. It was atonement, in a way, for all the horrible things he’d done playing his part in a horrible plan. He was resigned to it, it was better like this, dying on his own terms doing the right thing rather than by the hands of the dark lord who did not take betrayal lightly.

He didn’t tell Kreacher, though he was sure the elf knew anyway. Kreacher was intelligent, far more intelligent than anyone gave him credit for. Regulus wished he had told the elf more.

He feels himself being pulled under the water, by hands with sharp nails that rip the fabric of his clothes and tear at his skin. Water mixes with blood and Regulus chokes as it fills his lungs when he gasps for air.

He doesn’t try to escape the inferi, despite the burn he feels all over. A mixture of the cuts that litter his body and the lack of oxygen that is making his lungs ache he suspects. He still fights though, makes vague attempts to kick them off out of instinct rather than a real attempt to avoid his fate. He deserves this, to die with no prestige or honour.

He will just become one of the many bodies at the bottom on this lake, remembered without dignity or reverence. It’s a painful thought, but Regulus is resigned to that too. He’s done what he must do. He doesn’t expect to live through it, especially not when the world goes dark around him.

***

Sirius had not expected to find his baby brother, half drowned and bleeding out on his kitchen floor at 3 in the morning but he did. He’d been woken up by a loud crack in the living room of his flat and had come out of his room with his wand at the ready to take on whatever threat had managed to get past the defensive charms he’d put up.

He’d expected your run of the mill death eaters, masks and capes and whatever other stupid shit they were doing. He hadn’t been expecting Regulus, who last he checked was supposed to be at home with mother dearest, kicking puppies for fun.

He knows, in part, that Regulus was a death eater and that made him a threat, but he was more focused on the baby brother aspect of Regulus when he lifted his body off the floor and onto the couch; muttering drying charms and warming charms as he did so.

Regulus looked dead, his lips an alarming shade of blue and his already pale skin taking a grey hue that made him look like a corpse, laid out on his back on Sirius couch. He was covered in blood; large, thin cuts winding up his arms, torso and neck, dripping blood slowly but steadily.

He was still alive though, Sirius thinks with a note of relief he didn’t understand, if the shallow rise and fall of his chest and slow beat of his heart was to be trusted. Whatever had happened to him, Sirius would not be able to fix it.

He wasn’t a healer, didn’t know much more than basic first aid charms. Regulus needed more than that. Sirius couldn’t drop him at st mungo’s either. Luckily, he had the next best thing just a floo call away.

***

Lily hadn’t been expecting for Sirius to floo her at 3 in the morning, spouting off pleads for help and requests for secrecy and most startlingly a very vague explanation of there being a death eater bleeding out on his couch but that had been exactly what happened; and being the incredible friend that she is, she had dragged herself out of bed as quickly as she could, gathered her healing kit and flooed to Sirius flat.

She stepped out of the fireplace, wrapped in one of James hoodies, to see Sirius sitting on the floor beside his couch, trying very hard to stop the bleeding of a man–– a boy, Lily notes when she looks closer, not much older than 17 –– who looks to be more wound than person.

“what the fuck happened?” Lily questions, taking a seat beside Sirius and running a diagnostic charm on the boy. He looks very nearly dead.

“I don’t know” Sirius says, pressing a tea towel against one of the larger cuts that ran up the boy’s wrist to his elbow, wrapping around his forearm. “I found him on my kitchen floor, I have no fucking idea how he got here”

“who is he exactly?” Lily asks, the diagnostic telling her everything wrong with the boy. Various lacerations along his arms, torso, chest and back, water in his lungs, a harmful potion had been ingested too, bruising on his ribs and torso from blunt force trauma.

“my brother” Sirius says, as Lily gets to work healing the cuts first “he’s my brother”

Lily could see the resemblance, vaguely, if she looked past the greyish skin and blood. They had the same nose, same jaw, same face shape and curve of their lips. Lily did know Sirius had a brother, though only ever heard of him in passing.

“and he’s a death eater” Lily states rather than asks. The only confirmation she needs is the remnants of the mark on his arm, torn to ribbons exactly like the rest of him.

“yeah” Sirius says, not meeting Lily’s eyes “I’m sorry”

“it’s ok” Lily responds. She understands it, wanting to help your sibling even if they are horrible. She’d probably do the same if it were Petunia on the couch “what are you going to do when he wakes up?”

She says when, not if, despite knowing there is a chance he doesn’t.

“question him? find out how he got in here? Figure out what the fuck happened to him” Sirius sounds far away as he moves aside to let Lily work. He’s got blood on his hands and his shirt.

“go clean up” Lily tells him “I’ve got him, he’ll be ok”

Sirius nods, moving mechanically from the living room, through the kitchen, disappearing down the hallway towards the bathroom. Lily looks back at the boy, barely out of Hogwarts, and decides then and there that he is not going to die, even if he is horrible.

***

Regulus doesn’t expect to wake up at all, let alone on a couch in a place he doesn’t recognize. he suspects, once he gains his bearings and is no longer tangled in the knitted blanket that had been thrown haphazardly over his legs, that it was Kreachers doing. The elf had a tendency to find loopholes in instructions, though he rarely acted on them.

The first thing, Regulus notes once he’s no longer completely disoriented, is the fact that he is in immense amounts of pain. This doesn’t surprise him, given what he’d just done.

“oh, you’re awake” a voice from behind him chimes and Regulus twists to face his apparent host. It’s a girl, with pretty red hair and soft features, older than him he’s sure. “Sirius will be happy”

She comes towards him slowly, a potion bottle in one hand and her wand pointed at him with the other

“drink this” she says, passing the bottle to him “it’ll help with the pain”

Regulus takes it, mumbling a thanks. Or at least attempting to, it comes out rather strangled

“I’m going to keep my wand on you, you’ll have to understand I’m not particularly inclined to trust death eater, even half dead ones”

Regulus snorts a little in amusement at the girl’s dryness. She seems good, especially given that she was clearly the one who had healed him despite what she knew about him.

“thank you” Regulus says again, it comes out a little more clearly this time. Still strained. He sips the potion slowly

“you’re welcome” she says tensely, her wand still pointed at him “do you know where you are?”

“no” Regulus says, finishing the potion. He hopes it works quickly.

“you’re in my flat” a new voice chimes. One that Regulus was intimately familiar with. He turned to face his brother

“Sirius” he breathes quietly. He hadn’t seen Sirius in almost 2 years now, it felt a little like being kicked in the chest.

“the one and only” Sirius says, dragging an arm chair over so he can sit on it across from Regulus “what the fuck happened to you?”

“it’s a long story” Regulus says, after a moment’s hesitation. He doesn’t know how to explain, doesn’t even know how to begin.

“you’ve got time, unless you want me to call up Moody right now and have him deal with you instead of me and this lovely lady here” Sirius says, gesturing to the girl. Regulus’ lip twitches, he’d heard plenty about Alastair Moody and didn’t fancy a run in with him any time soon.

“I betrayed the dark lord” Regulus says, before he could stop himself. It was a decent place to start “I’ve stolen something from him, something important and I was supposed to have died in the process. Instead I’m here”

“stole something? What did you steal?” the girl asks, at the same time Sirius asks

“what do you mean you should’ve died?” he looks worried, or at least as worried as he will allow while still glaring at Regulus.

“I wasn’t supposed to make it out of that cave. I was supposed to have died there” Regulus says “the locket was protected, a potion and inferi. I shouldn’t have made it past them once I’d taken it”

“so, how did you?” the girl asks, because Sirius seems to have lost his voice

“Kreacher, I suspect. He found a loophole in my orders and came back for me” Regulus tells her, watching Sirius pull a face at the mention of Kreacher

“you said you stole a locket” the girl says, remarkably calm “why was it important?”

“it’s dark magic” Regulus says, eyeing the potion bottle she’d just given him, suspecting it was more than just to aid the pain. She was clever then “a horcrux”

“what is a horcrux?” the girl asks, but Sirius cuts in before Regulus can answer

“it’s when a wizard splits his soul into separate pieces and puts them in something to protect them, makes you immortal, you’ve got to do something vile to do it though. Most books won’t even tell you what it is”

“you have to kill” Regulus says, drawing the attention of his brother and his friend back to him “it’s a sacrificial murder of some sort”

The girl looks disgusted, which Regulus does not blame her for. He remembers what he’d felt the first time he’d seen, truly, what the man he’d deigned himself to follow was capable of. 

“and you stole a horcrux from him? you stole a piece of Voldemort’s soul” Sirius says, sounding a little incredulous and mostly impressed. Regulus pretends that does not fill him with a distinct sense of happiness.

“yes” Regulus says simply. The girl nods pensively, Regulus thinks he should ask her name but it doesn’t seem to be the moment

“and how do we know you aren’t lying” Sirius asks, his voice and expression reverting back to the glare Regulus was much more familiar with.

“because your friend spiked the potion she gave me with Veritiserum” Regulus says. And the girl’s eyes widen a little as she looks at him sharply

“how did you know?”

“I made an educated guess” Regulus says, with slight shrug that sends aches through his body “why else would I be telling you any of this so freely? You’ll find under normal circumstances I’m not a particularly trusting person” 

“well fuck” Sirius says, dragging a hand over his face tiredly “where’s the locket now?”

“with Kreacher” Sirius looks tired, older than the last time Regulus had truly looked at his brother “I ordered him to take the locket and destroy it”

“and leave you behind” Sirius adds, a note of concern in his voice hidden beneath the dryness of the statement

“I would rather die on my own terms, doing something right for once than be tortured and killed by that man as an example to others” Regulus says bitterly and Sirius looks at him, the same way he used to look at him when Regulus was a little kid asking him to chase away the monsters he was so sure lived under his bed.

“I’m going to contact Dumbledore” the girl says, after a moment of tense silence “if Voldemort’s creating Horcrux’s we need a plan”

Regulus wants to protest but imagines it will be largely ignored, so he simply nods his head and turns to the girl

“I’m afraid we haven’t been properly introduced” Regulus says politely “My name is Regulus; it would be nice to know yours as well”

The girl laughs a little, giving him a small smile

“Lily” she tells him simply, before turning back to Sirius “I’m going to tell James and get Dumbledore, don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone”

Sirius nods, bidding the girl––Lily –– goodbye as she steps through the floo. He turns to Regulus once she’s gone

“stop flirting with her, she’s married” he says, and Regulus sputters a little but before he can form a proper argument that he was not flirting with Lily and simply being polite Sirius is heading off down the hallway “you need new clothes”

***

Sirius didn’t own very many clothes that Regulus would like, let alone also fit into, but he did own a very simple black sweater that Regulus wouldn’t complain too thoroughly about and some black trousers he could roll up.

Sirius passes the clothes off, staring at his brother a little. He looks more alive now, still dangerously pale and covered in various red lines but his lips are no longer blue and his skin a little pinker now.

“the bathrooms down there” he says “first door on the left”

Regulus nods, taking the clothes with a quiet thank you. Sirius deflates a little once he’s out of sight. Out of the two of them, Regulus tended to be the more rational one, not that it was a hard thing to accomplish given Sirius’ inclination for impulsivity and dramatics. None of his stupid plan to betray Voldemort was particularly rational.

Sirius thinks maybe he should be angry, that his stupid, uptight brother was here at all after everything that had happened but mostly, he was just worried for him. Worried about the ease which he had accepted his apparent death, worried for the willingness to go on a suicide mission.

Sirius breathes deeply, something Remus always told him to do when his head was getting a little too loud for him to handle. He’d just have to roll with the punches, even if the punches are his little brother turning up almost dead with the knowledge that Voldemort had made himself immortal.

It had been a long morning, Sirius thinks, as he heads towards the kitchen. He might as well make some coffee and mix it with whiskey.


	2. II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus had never had many interactions with Dumbledore while he was a student, there wasn’t much need seeing as Regulus either followed the rules or didn’t get caught breaking them.
> 
> He couldn’t say he was fond of the man in any case, but especially not now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest with you, I haven't felt well for the past 3 days so I didn't edit this one properly. so like,, my bad if there's any spelling or grammatical errors but I'm not gonna fix them at this point,, I'm tired. anyway, chapter two. 
> 
> as always I hope you're all having a wonderful day and thank you for reading :-)

Lily was having a bit of a weird morning she thinks as she and James walk through the halls of Hogwarts like it’s perfectly normal for two long graduated students to be heading towards the headmaster’s office.

James had taken it in stride, when she turned up back in their little cottage after disappearing in the middle of the night with a jumbled explanation about Sirius’ death eater brother, Voldemort and the need for medical attention.

“we have to go see Dumbledore” she’d said and James, being James, had simply nodded his head and reminded her that it would be best if she changed out of her pajamas before they left.

“so, he’s really defected?” James asks, almost conversationally. He’s holding her hand, squeezing it gently.

“yeah” Lily hums “he paid for it too, you should’ve seen the kid when I got there”

He really was just a kid, they all were. Kids fighting a war, getting battered and bruised and killed in the process. Now, it’s even more complicated.

“I can imagine” James says “how’s Sirius?”

“he’s alright, I think. Hadn’t started drinking when I’d left but I can’t say that’ll be the case when we get back”

“I wouldn’t blame him” James says “I’m only hearing it second hand and I feel like I need strong drink”

“me too” Lily mumbles, as they arrive at the gargoyle

“lemon drops” James says, the gargoyle moving aside with a slight groan “are you ready?”

“no, not really” Lily replies, making her way up the stairs. Dumbledore is at his desk, having a conversation with one of the portraits. He looks up when he hears them, smiling at them brightly until he sees their faces.

“James, Lily, it’s good to see you” he says, rising to meet them “though, by the looks of things this is not merely a social call”

“there’s been a bit of an incident” James says.

***

Regulus had never had many interactions with Dumbledore while he was a student, there wasn’t much need seeing as Regulus either followed the rules or didn’t get caught breaking them.

He couldn’t say he was fond of the man in any case, but especially not now. It felt a little like he was being analysed, the way Dumbledore was staring him down. Sirius, Lily and James were all in the room too, pressed against walls and corners. Lily had made tea, though Sirius had stuck with his spiked coffee.

“if you do not mind my asking, Mir Black, but how did you come across such information” Dumbledore asks

“the dark lord is boastful, never truthful of course, but boastful enough that I was able to piece together what he had done” Regulus sipped the tea in his hands. It was peppermint. Sirius had forced him to eat some toast earlier as well.

“I must say, that is an extraordinary display of intelligence” Dumbledore compliments lightly

“and an extraordinary amount of luck” Regulus points out, to be truthful rather than humble.

“yes, I suppose” Dumbledore hums, he has an odd twinkle in his eye. It was mildly unsettling “does anyone know what you have done?”

“no” Regulus answers “only Kreacher and the people in this room”

“what about Walburga?” Sirius asks quietly “she’s bound to have figured out you’ve been missing for a day and a bit by now”

“mother and father are away for the week, business in France” Regulus replies shortly, Sirius snorts in response.

“if this is the case, we have a unique opportunity ahead of us” Dumbledore muses, eyes on Regulus “when you stole the Horcrux, you intended to destroy it? To help bring about the dark lord’s downfall?”

“that was my intention”

“but you did not expect to survive”

“no, I didn’t” Regulus says. He can’t quite track what Dumbledore’s intentions are and it’s unnerving

“now that you have survived, what are your plans?” Dumbledore asks lightly

“I don’t have any, though you sound as if you do” Regulus says, tired of dancing around whatever Dumbledore wants. He smiles a little at Regulus, amused and appraising by the looks of it.

“you are in a unique position to help the order in its fight against Voldemort, seeing as you are a trusted member of his following who has already shown the aptitude to stand against him” Dumbledore says “if it is still your intention to bring an end the Voldemort’s plans, I’m offering you a chance”

“you want me to become a spy for the order” Regulus says bluntly “there is no need to be so cryptic about it”

Sirius snorts again, apparently amused at Regulus’ statement. Dumbledore nods sagely. It’s stupid and risky and more than likely to get Regulus killed if he were to go through with it, but his last plan had been all of those things as well.

“fine” he says, after a moment of consideration.

***

Regulus remains in Sirius’ flat once Dumbledore has left, along with Lily and James who make themselves comfortable making lunch in Sirius’ kitchen.

“you’re a lot stupider than I thought” Sirius says gently, sitting beside Regulus on the couch.

“because I’m doing the right thing?” Regulus asks

“thought you have more self-preservation than that” Sirius shrugs at him and Regulus’ lips pinch into a thin frown

“so did I” he replies

“I’m glad though” Sirius says, nudging Regulus with his foot “I missed you, even if you are a prat”

“if you missed me so much why are you calling me a prat?” Regulus asks, just to be contrary. He’d missed Sirius too, more than he realised

“because it’s the truth” Sirius says, flicking Regulus’ nose lightly. Regulus flicks him back, feeling a little like he was a kid again fighting with his brother over silly things. The feeling doesn’t last of course, when he remembers exactly what he has signed up for.

“I’m going to get myself killed doing this” he mumbles a little, eyes on the ceiling

“well, with attitude you are” Sirius hums “you want something to drink?”

“I have tea” Regulus says, gesturing to the half empty cup sitting on the arm of his couch

“I meant something stronger than tea” Sirius says “but if you’re happy with your non-alcoholic beverages than by all means”

Regulus laughs a little, because it is a very Sirius move, to comfort him by offering him a self-destructive outlet 

“do you have scotch?” Regulus asks and Sirius hums happily, jumping off the couch and going to retrieve a bottle.

***

Regulus returns to a still and quiet Grimmauld place, sometime after sunset with a pleasant buzz that made his cheeks warm.

“Kreacher?” he calls into the empty house. The elf appears not a moment later, his hands wrapped in bandages “what’s happened?”

“Master Regulus is home!” Kreacher says brightly, ignoring Regulus’ question about his hands “Kreacher is pleased, very pleased”

“Kreacher, what happened to your hands?” Regulus repeats and Kreacher looks rather sorrowful now

“Kreacher did not follow order, Kreacher could not destroy the locket” he says, looking very much like he might cry “Kreacher tried everything, smashing, burning, cutting, stabbing”

“that’s alright Kreacher” Regulus says placatingly “you tried; I’m pleased enough that you tried”

Kreacher smiles

“Kreacher is pleased Master Regulus is here” he repeats

“I suspect that it’s your doing” Regulus hums quietly, making his way through the house towards his father’s study “where is the locket now Kreacher?”

“with Kreacher, Master Regulus” Kreacher says, producing the locket from the pocket of his cloth and passing it to Regulus.

“thank you Kreacher” Regulus says “could you please get me something to eat? Nothing large, maybe just a sandwich”

“yes, Master Regulus” Kreacher says, disappearing towards the kitchen. Regulus sighs a little, studying the locket held in his palm closely. It was quite a pretty necklace; it was hard to imagine just how evil such a thing really was. Now, Regulus had to find a way to destroy it. The black family library was a good enough place to start.

***

Horcrux’s are very obscure pieces of magic, Regulus learns fairly quickly. There’s very few mentions of them, even in some of his father’s more incorrigible books there are only about 4 lines on Horcrux’s between the lot of them.

They all give much the same information, that they are evil objects that shouldn’t even be considered an option. There’s nothing on how to destroy one.

Kreacher is helpful, at least to the extent he can be useful. He’s sworn to secrecy of course, Regulus had spent a good hour making sure his order could not be twisted or misconstrued but he was unsure if Kreacher held more loyalty to himself or his parents. It was better, and safer, to limit Kreachers involvement.

Bellatrix pays him a visit the day following his return to Grimmauld place. She doesn’t bother to owl ahead, simply coming through the floo while Regulus is sat on an armchair in the parlour, reading what was turning out to be another completely useless book on dark artefacts.

“oh wonderful, you’ve come back” she says, standing at her full height and staring him down. The simple statement seems like an accusation, though Bella had the habit of making anything sound like an accusation “I came by the other night and you were nowhere to be found”

“I went into the country for a few days” Regulus says noncommittally, “I wanted some fresh air and collect some ingredients”

“well you could’ve left a note” Bella says briskly, playing with one of his mother’s ornaments that sat on the mantle above the fireplace

“and you could’ve owled to see where I was” Regulus says “if you must know, the trip was a waste of time. There were no ingredients there I couldn’t retrieve here. Why did you come to see me?” 

“Narcissa is having a gathering” Bellatrix says, putting the ornament down and moving to toy with a picture of Regulus, from when he had been young. There had once been a picture of Sirius beside it but that had long since been burnt and discarded.

“and?”

“and she would like it very much if you could attend, my darling cousin” Bella says, then levels him with a look that tells him familial obligation is not the only reason he should be going to this gathering “Lucious and I will be doing some business as well”

“of course,” Regulus says curtly “what are the details of Narcissa’s gathering then?”

Bella smiles at him, a smile that was generally reserved for obedient pets and patronising children and Regulus is not sure which he was meant to be.

“it’s next Sunday, a dinner party. It’s supposed to be for some charity she’s invested in this month” Bella hums “it’s the perfect opportunity to mingle, make connections, all those things Lucious thinks is important”

“and you don’t?” Regulus questions. He should offer Bella tea or something, to be polite, but frankly he doesn’t want her in his house any longer than she has to be.

“I’m plenty connected” Bella says haughtily “you, on the other hand, baby cousin, need to make some friends and this is a good opportunity to find the right sort”

The right sort, Regulus thinks bitterly, meaning death eaters. Fellow prejudiced upper-class sociopaths.

“of course,” Regulus says pleasantly “I’d be thrilled to join you”

Bella smiles, striding across the room to pat Regulus on the cheek

“excellent” she says, grinning widely “oh and just so you know, Narcissa and your mother seem to be on a bit of a matchmaking kick, so I’d bring a date to avoid any unpleasant attempts” 

“of course, they are” Regulus mumbles. He doesn’t need to deal with his mother attempting to get him to marry right now. Bellatrix cackles a little.

“toujours pur, baby Reggie” she says “you are, after all, the heir to the house of black. You have to keep the family name alive” 

Regulus curls his lip, receiving another cackle from Bellatrix. The thought of having children at all was not something Regulus liked to dwell on, let alone bringing children into the current madness of his family.

“well, I’ll be going now” Bellatrix says, “I’ll see you at Narcissa’s party little cousin”

“of course, Bella” Regulus replies, bidding her goodbye and breathing out heavily through his nose once she’s gone.

***

Sirius laughs at him, when Regulus relays the information to him, because he’s an awful brother who takes pleasure in Regulus’ immense discomfort.

“you need to get names” he tells him, once he’s done being amused by Regulus’ suffering “supporters or followers, either one. We need to know who to look out for”

“anything else?”

“any plans to hurt people would be good. Doubt they’d be talking about them at a charity dinner though”

Regulus doesn’t particularly care for finding himself a date, he’s been fairly blatant about his disinterest to his mother who seems to have developed selective hearing. She drops the names of girls she finds suitable in conversations, hinting at how lovely they are, what honour it would bring to the family and more than once outright tells Regulus he has a duty to fulfill as the heir.

He’s saved from the fate of having his mother tote him around all evening from girl to girl, ironically enough, by Dumbledore. Who writes him a rather short letter, with very brief instructions.

_“find Madeline Flint, she is an ally”_

Is all it says, written in neatly looped cursive. It’s delivered by an unassuming but regal barn owl; which Regulus can easily pass off as correspondence with whatever well-bred names his mother likes to believe he’s friendly with. He burns the letter once he’s read it.

Regulus remembers Madeline Flint from school. She had been in his house, in his year, though they’d never spoken much. She was a part of the sacred 28, had a few older sisters that his mother had spoken highly of, or at the very least, as highly of someone as Walburga was capable of.

So come Sunday, he’s informed his mother that while he is not bringing a date to Narcissa’s gathering, he has every intention of mingling with a girl of high status, which appears to be enough to satiate his mother for the moment.

Regulus arrives fashionably late, a while after his parents had left citing the desire to bring Narcissa a gift as an excuse to send Sirius a quick update and promise to be careful. He knocks on the door, a bottle of very expensive wine Narcissa will adore held in one hand.

Predictably, it is Narcissa who answers. She’s wearing a black dress, with a silver band around her waist and long sleeves, looking as immaculate as always.

“I’m sorry I’m late” he tells her earnestly, holding the bottle out to her “I wanted to get you something”

She smiles at him, bright and happy taking the bottle from his hands with an endeared sigh

“oh, thank you so much Reggie” she tells him, hugging him as best she can seeing as she is much shorter than he is even in heels “I love it”

“you look wonderful” he tells her, kissing her cheek gently.

“oh, stop it” she tells him, linking their arms together as she leads him through the house “your mother was telling me that you were looking to get to know someone specific tonight”

She grins at him, suggestively but secretively. It is a very Narcissa expression, he thinks, as it draws a grin out of him. Narcissa had always been one of the better family members, who simply did as she was told and cared as much as she was allowed. He thinks, had she not been so wrapped up in Lucious, she might have made it out. Like Andromeda or Sirius. Or him now too, he supposed.

“yes, I am” he says “and I would appreciate it if you didn’t interfere, I’d like to give the girl a chance to get to know me before the family scares her away”

Narcissa gives a dramatic sigh and rolls her eyes at him

“fine, but I at the very least expect you to let me make the introduction” she says, pointing a finger at his face. Regulus laughs, swatting the hand away from his face

“if you must” he says and Narcissa hums happily, leading him through the crowd of guests. She stops a couple of times to make polite introduction, likely to people Lucious has asked her to schmooze with.

Narcissa leads him into the billiard room eventually, then towards the bar tucked into the corner of it.

“Madeline dear” Narcissa says cheerily, in the kind of fake tone Regulus had never understood the need for, to a girl sitting on one of the stools making small talk with the bar tender. The girl turns around, smiling at Narcissa with an equally as fake cheer

“hello Narcissa” she says pleasantly “this is a lovely party you’ve thrown”

“oh, thank you Madeline” Narcissa says, then tugs Regulus forward by his elbow so he’s in Madeline’s direct line of sight “this is my cousin, Regulus Black”

Regulus resists the urge to roll his eyes at Narcissa and holds his hand out for Madeline

“it’s a pleasure” he says smoothly and Madeline’s eyes crinkle a little in amusement. She takes his hand and he presses a light kiss to her knuckles, the way his mother always told him he should.

“we’ve met, actually” Madeline says to Narcissa “we went to school together”

“oh of course” Narcissa says, grinning conspiratorially at Regulus “I have to go find Lucious, I’ll let the two of you catch up”

With that, Narcissa leaves Regulus and Madeline at the bar. She looks him over once, humming lightly and sipping her drink

“you look older” she tells him after a moment, then gestures to the seat beside her “are you going to sit down?”


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “trying to get me alone so soon Mr Black?” Madeline laughs, already sliding off her chair “that’s hardly the behaviour of a gentleman”
> 
> Regulus laughs a little, standing to meet her and offering his arm, which she takes happily as they head towards Narcissa’s garden.
> 
> “I think you’ll find I’m not often much of a gentleman” he says

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love these two with my whole ass heart. sorry for the delay, school has started back up again so I was getting my shit together for that, so far senior year has not been much different but it's only been like 3 days. on the bright side, my brother graduated today. as always, I hope you have a wonderful day and thank you for reading :-)
> 
> Warning: mild sexism and misogyny in this chapter

Regulus moves to obey, taking the empty seat beside her. Madeline was beautiful in a sharp kind of way. Like shattered glass, glittering against marble in the sunlight. He remembers her from school, walking down the halls with immaculately styled hair walking with an almost unearned confidence. She still held that aura of eminence, though the uniform had been replaced with a deep green dress that clung to her body.

“green is an interesting choice” he says, then turns to the bar tender “whiskey please”

“well, I’ve got to display my house pride, don’t I?” she says, smiling into her own drink. She puts a carefully manicured nail to his chest, hooking It under his tie and lifting it just a little “besides, black tie can be awfully boring”

The bar tender sets his drink in front of him

“well then, what do you suggest for next time?”

“hmm, something patterned” she says, nail now tracing the edges of his tie “maybe floral”

Regulus chuckles, taking a sip of his drink

“I’m afraid I’m not quite adventurous enough for such a thing” he says and Madeline laughs “though, I think you look lovely in green”

“charming” she says with a grin “but I think I’m safe in assuming that you’re not actually interested in seducing me like your cousin seems to think”

“you’re perceptive” Regulus says, matching her grin “why don’t we go somewhere more private? Narcissa has a lovely garden”

“trying to get me alone so soon Mr Black?” Madeline laughs, already sliding off her chair “that’s hardly the behaviour of a gentleman”

Regulus laughs a little, standing to meet her and offering his arm, which she takes happily as they head towards Narcissa’s garden.

“I think you’ll find I’m not often much of a gentleman” he says, and she hums with a little smirk on her red lips

“that’s perfectly fine, I think you’ll find I’m not often fond of gentlemen” she says.

They walk in silence through the garden, linked at the elbow until they’re a decent way away from the party and any other guests.

“you know, Mr Black, I was under the impression you were a devote follower until I received Dumbledore’s letter yesterday” she says, so casually that Regulus almost chokes

“circumstances have changed” Regulus says, trying and failing to match her tone “how long have you been- “

He cut himself off, making a vague gesture instead of actually saying the word spy

“since I graduated from Hogwarts” she says with a shrug “I can only do so much. My father is involved, has been for years, but it’s not often he includes me in such matters”

“I suspect that’s why dumbledore introduced us then” Regulus says, watching Madeline as she inspected a rose bush “I’m rather new to this”

Madeline smiles, plucking one of the roses from the bush and handing it to Regulus

“well then, you’re in luck” she says, smiling a little wider when Regulus accepts the rose “I am a very talented spy”

“but are you a talented teacher?” Regulus questions lightly, mostly to banter. Madeline seems amused

“I suppose we’ll find out”

***

“Madeline Flint?” Lucious questions, immediately upon Regulus’ re-entrance to the party “she’s quite the choice”

“how so?” Regulus questions right back, allowing Lucious to lead him through the crowds towards his friends by the shoulder

“she has a bit of a reputation is all” Lucious hums “what is it you called her Rabastan?”

“a frigid bitch” the younger Lestrange supplied, downing the gin in his hand quickly. Lucious passed Regulus a drink “couldn’t get her to have a good time if you offered her the world”

“or maybe all you offered her was whiskey dick and cheap ring” Bellatrix replies smoothly, hanging onto the arm of Rudolphus but looking otherwise indifferent to her husband “you don’t seem to have much luck with women, do you Rabastan?”

The others in the circle laugh, Rabastan looking suitably cowed

“she’s a fine choice Regulus” Bella assures him “well bred, quiet, the perfect wife for the black heir”

“who said anything about marrying her?” Regulus asks, after narrowly avoiding choking on his own gin

“please” Lucious says “why else would you be talking to her?”

“because she’s an old classmate” Regulus replies coolly, Rabastan and Rudolphus laugh snidely

“of course, Regulus” Lucious says placatingly, patting Regulus’ shoulder “though, maybe you’ll have more luck with the lady than Rabastan did. Merlin knows you could use some fun”

Another round of cruel laughter erupts in the circle and Regulus downs his drink in one go, keeping his face forcefully impassive. This was going to be a long night.

***

Lucious introduces Regulus to various people, politicians he claims share their viewpoint who smile at Regulus with too much teeth and shake his hand with too much pomp, other followers who handle different areas to those Regulus and Lucious tend to and various well-connected business prospects.

All in all, it’s a fairly successful night in terms of information. He manages to avoid his mother’s attempts of finding him a wife too, when she approaches him for a dance and casts a stern look towards where Madeline was dancing with her brother before simply humming in approval.

Narcissa, however, is not as easily persuaded. She drags him away from his mother by the elbow, casting Walburga a charming smile and apologising for dragging him away before pulling him into a semi secluded corner.

“you haven’t danced with Madeline” she says, leveling him with a look that lets him know she’s unhappy with this

“astute observation Narcissa” he says, somewhat amused by her. She huffs a little, smoothing out her hair

“I’m not letting either of you leave this party until you dance together” she tells him, tapping his nose with a deceptively sweet smile.

“and how do you plan on keeping us hostage?” Regulus asks, laughing lightly at Narcissa.

“I have my ways baby cousin” she says “but a lady doesn’t reveal their secrets”

“of course,” Regulus hums “then I best go dance with her, before you resort to kidnapping”

Narcissa practically beams at him, kissing him on the cheek before hurrying off back to Lucious. Regulus, true to his word, leaves to find Madeline.

He finds her in a corner, talking quietly with a tall man in a crisp suit with a twitchy looking moustache. He puts his hand on Madeline’s back gently, to signal his arrival

“Hello” he greets the pair lightly “I’m sorry to interrupt but I was hoping I could have a dance?”

Madeline smiles at him, it’s not the performative one she had given Narcissa he notices, feeling a confusing sense of satisfaction at the fact. 

“of course,” she says happily, then turns to the man “excuse me father”

Regulus leads her towards the floor in silence, though Madeline seems fine with that, even as they begin to move with the music. Regulus had never been much of a dancer; he was perfectly decent at it but had never gone out of his way to subject himself to the activity.

She does break the silence, after a moment or so of quiet swaying

“is there something important that you need to tell me or is this simply for pleasure?” she asks slyly, allowing herself to be spun out, then pulled back in.

“more out of self-preservation if I’m being perfectly honest” Regulus tells her. He’s smiling he realises, a small genuine one he tends to reserve for Narcissa and other such loved ones who cared to be smiled at. “my mother is rather pressed about the next heir of the house and my cousin takes great pleasure in playing matchmaker. She threatened to take us hostage if we didn’t dance before the end of the party”

Madeline laughs, it’s sweet sounding, reminds regulus vaguely of birds singing.

“I know the feeling” she says “my mother is under the impression that I’d make a wonderful match with Rabastan Lestrange”

Regulus wrinkles his nose in disgust, recalling the conversation he had the misfortune of being part of earlier

“he’s not worth your time” Regulus says, lifting her slightly, her toes still brushing the floor

“no, he’s not” she agrees. Her face is rather close to Regulus’ he notes. “besides, I think she’ll find the heir to the house of black a much more suitable match”

“do you want to marry? If you had the choice I mean” Regulus asks. He knows his answer. Madeline hums a little, thinking.

“maybe” she says “if I met someone who was right, who loved me, who I loved. That’s not what marriage is though, not for us”

“no” Regulus agrees “it’s not”

“it’s all political” she says “who has the most money, the most status, love doesn’t have anything to do with it”

“would it be better if it did?” Regulus asks, spinning her again.

“I don’t know” she answers “it would certainly be more complicated, if love was involved”

“is it simple now?” Regulus asks, Madeline laughs again. It was quickly becoming one of Regulus’ favourite sounds.

“no, I suppose not” she says, stilling on the floor “it looks like your mother wants your attention”

She whispers, kissing his cheek lightly before slipping through the crowds back to her father. Regulus watches her for a moment, before turning towards his mother, who was watching him quietly.

“you seem rather taken with that girl” she says, “the flints are a good family, pure”

“I’d expect nothing less” Regulus replies. It’s a carefully conditioned response, one he doesn’t quite believe any more. One he is fairly sure he never truly believed. His mother hums appraisingly

“I’m rather tired” she says, “though your father seems to be enjoying himself, accompany me home?”

Regulus knows it’s not really a request, no matter how she phrases it. His mother simply wasn’t one to ask for things.

“of course,” he says, offering her his arm “we’ll go find Narcissa, let her know we’ll be leaving”

***

Regulus has always known that Grimmauld place could be stifling at time. It was a dark place, soaked in history and tradition that made it hard to relax much, not that Regulus had ever been one to relax.

He just hadn’t realised how stifling it was until he actually started spending time away from it. He didn’t often make trips to Sirius’ flat; it was dangerous for them both and their schedules didn’t often line up.

It was nice when he did have the opportunity too. Or at least, it usually was, when Sirius wasn’t in a foul mood for seemingly no reason. Regulus was at the table, writing the list of new names and the plans he’d either been directly involved in or simply overheard onto a piece of parchment for Sirius to relay at the next order meeting while Sirius himself was in the kitchen, making as much noise as humanly possible.

He was grumbling to himself as well, Regulus picking up every other word which was mostly consisted of swearing and the name of what Regulus had come to learn was Sirius’ flatmate. Regulus knew better than to try and get Sirius to talk about whatever had bothered him but the grumbling and banging was getting very, very annoying.

“Sirius, could you be quiet for two minutes?!” Regulus snaps eventually. Honestly, why Sirius insisted on being so loud when he was unhappy Regulus would never understand.

“it’s my damn house Regulus” Sirius snaps back “if you don’t like it go write your little report somewhere else”

“you and I both know that would be incredibly risky, not to mention outright stupid”

“then stop bitching at me” Sirius says, finally coming out of the kitchen to put coffee in front of Regulus. He didn’t actually like coffee much, but Sirius refused to touch tea for reasons he wouldn’t explain.

“what is your problem?” Regulus huffs, taking the coffee. It was bitter and strong, but Regulus didn’t mind. He’d never been overly fond of sweet things.

“I don’t have a problem” Sirius says, glaring at Regulus

“then stop being a prick” He picks his quill up again. There was going to be a raid next weekend, on a little town with a high population of muggleborns, Regulus didn’t know if anyone specific would be hurt but it was more than likely they didn’t intend on just causing some discontent.

“I’m not being a prick” Sirius says, pinching Regulus’ arm. Regulus, who was far too used to Sirius and his deflection tactics, ignored him. the death eaters had also started tailing a politician who had been an outspoken supporter of muggleborns, according to Barty, they’d be dead within the month if all went well.

“no, clearly not, you’re just running around cursing out your roommate and being a general nuisance” Regulus says. Sirius glares at him, long and hard for a minute

“you are exactly like dad” he says. Regulus’ quill slips

“excuse me?” he asks. Sirius had always been rather good at trying to rile Regulus up, but he always tended to use the same tactics. That was a new one.

“not, y’know, the being a blood supremacist part” Sirius says, sipping his own coffee “dad used to talk to me like that a lot is all”

“is that a bad thing?” Regulus asks. His relationship with his parents had not been nearly as volatile as Sirius’ and while it was largely their mother that Sirius would get into loud screaming matches with, their father had been no saint to him either.

“not really” Sirius says with a shrug “it was before, y’know? When I was still a kid and not just a disappointment”

“I’m sorry” Regulus says, though he’s not sure what he’s apologising for. Maybe the way their parents treated Sirius at all? For not helping him? for letting him think he was a disappointment “I don’t think you’re a disappointment”

It doesn’t seem like enough, but Sirius smiles for the first time since Regulus had arrived an hour ago and stands up to wrap his arms around Regulus’ shoulder, resting his chin on Regulus’ head.

“you don’t have to apologise” he says “you didn’t do anything to me”

“I let it happen though” Regulus says, his voice sounding rather small even to his own ears. He feels more than sees Sirius shake his head

“what would you have done?” he questions “you were only 10 when it started getting bad and if it wasn’t me, it would’ve been you. I never wanted it to be you”

“I should’ve done something” Regulus says, resolutely. Sirius sighs, kissing the top of Regulus’ head. That was another thing that was so very Sirius that Regulus could never understand, how freely he gave affection.

He’d always been like that, pressing light kisses to Regulus’ palms when he was 5 years old and had scraped them running after a ball on the pavement, holding his hand when he was 7 years old and terrified of family gatherings where their house was always so full and smelt thickly of tobacco and alcohol. Regulus suspects it was a habit spurred by Andromeda, who used to do much the same thing for Sirius.

“I’m sorry for being a dick” Sirius apologises “it’s a long story”

“I’ve got time” Regulus offers, looking at his parchment, filled from top to bottom with two weeks’ worth of intel. It was true, mother and father had left for the weekend on some secretive trip they refused to disclose anything relevant about, Regulus had all the time in the world to be here with Sirius.

Sirius huffs a short breath of amusement

“just some problems with my roommate” he says blithely, returning to his own seat and picking his coffee back up

“I gathered that, with the cursing his name” Regulus says and Sirius snorts

“he thinks I’m hiding something” Sirius says, suddenly sounding very tired

“you are” Regulus points out, gesturing vaguely to himself with his quill

“yeah, but so is he” Sirius says moodily “which makes him a hypocrite, yelling at me about trust and secrets. asshole”

“do you?” Regulus asks, causing Sirius to look at him inquisitively

“do I what?”

“trust him?” Regulus questions again. Sirius pauses for a moment, though it doesn’t look as if he’s thinking about his answer and more processing the implications of it

“yeah” Sirius responds quietly “with my life”

“then tell him” Regulus says with a shrug “much as I’m loathed to admit it, you tend to have a talent for picking friends who will follow you to the ends of the earth. If you trust him, tell him”

“Dumbledore wants this to be top secret” Sirius says, which takes Regulus a little by surprise. Sirius had never been one to follow orders

“Dumbledore isn’t a dictator, it’s not always his choice” Regulus replies “besides, I trust your judgement far more than I trust his” 

Sirius hums, looking thoughtful but he doesn’t respond to what Regulus had said. Instead, he reaches over and ruffles Regulus’ hair

“I’ve missed you” he says

“I’ve missed you too”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the true sibling experience, going at each other one minute only to turn around and have a heartfelt conversation 0.2 seconds after you've finished brutally insulting each other


	4. IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s rare for Regulus to get a moment of peace these days. They were rare beforehand, when Regulus was just the heir to the house of Black with obligations to fulfil but now it’s near impossible to have a moment to breathe.
> 
> He’s almost grateful for it. Time to himself means time to think beyond the next task, next mission, next problem to solve. He would be grateful for an interruption right now, he thinks idly, pacing the floors of his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very small and I have no money, so you can imagine the kind of stress I'm under. hope you enjoy this chapter and as always I hope your having a wonderful day

This is the worst part, Regulus thinks as he walks through the dimly lit streets, his hand held loosely around his wand. He’d never enjoyed this part, even when he agreed with what it was supposed to stand for. He’d never participated in school, never even considered it until Bellatrix started whispering in his ear about loyalty and potential. He would stop, if that wouldn’t completely blow his cover.

Bellatrix is the first to make a move, as she usually is. She slings spells and curses at passers on the streets, hoisting an unfortunate young couple up in the air. They have a child with them, a little girl who can’t be much older than 4, huddling behind a post-box thankfully just out of Bellatrix’s view.

The others all follow suite, sending spells at trees that engulf them in burning flames which only attracts more muggles, who meet the same fate as the couple Bellatrix was now making spin with gleeful shrieks of laughter. Regulus capitalises on the chaos, moving towards the little girl hidden behind the post box.

She cowers away from him, her face hidden behind her hands and silent tears running down her rosy cheeks. Regulus remembers himself, sitting in much the same position trying to hide from Bellatrix when he was 6 years old.

“it’s ok” he says gently, lifting the mask and lowering his wand. No one was watching him “I’m not going to hurt you”

She shakes her head, like she doesn’t believe him. Regulus doesn’t blame her.

“I know, I look like the scary people over there” he tells her “but I’m only playing pretend, so I can help people”

“like James bond?” she asks. Regulus doesn’t know what that is

“uh, yeah. Like James Bond” he agrees anyway “I’m going to take you over there, into that ally ok? There’s someone there who’s going to keep you safe”

At least, there’s supposed to be. Not Sirius, who was currently away in Italy doing some research into the destruction of Horcrux’s, but someone was supposed to be crashing the raid.

“I’m putting the mask back on now ok?” he tells her, because heading out into the open without it on is too much of a risk “can you hold my hand really tight?”

The little girl nods her head, taking the offered hand as tightly in her own as she can manage. Then, Regulus gets up and runs.

He puts on a good show, making it look like he’s dragging the girl away to do something horrible, possibly along the same lines as what Lucious was currently doing to an elderly man who Regulus sincerely hopes makes it out of it alive but knows logically it was unlikely.

He tries not to think too much about it, as he tugs the girl along listening to the screaming and laughter and crackling of spells around him. he shoves her into the ally, careful as he can while still making a scene.

Sure enough, there are people there. A tall, thin man with brown hair and rectangle glasses perched on the end of his nose and girl with wild blonde curls Regulus recognises as one of Sirius’ friends from school. Something that started with an M.

Regulus kneels to the girl height, who was watching the pair wearily. They had their wands trained on Regulus but kept quiet so as to not draw attention to themselves.

“they’re going to keep you safe ok?” he tells her “they’re going to get you out of here”

The girl nods, sniffing and wiping her eyes

“ok” she says, nodding her head. Regulus turns to the pair, the two still had their wands trained on him

“I’m on your side” he tells them, urging the girl towards them “keep her safe. Please”

Regulus had often been taught that he didn’t have to say please. Black’s never asked, they demanded. He was asking now, looking at the little girl, who was scared and shivering in the cold, at risk of being the subject of Bellatrix’s twisted ideas of fun.

It’s the man who moves first taking the girls hand with a sweet smile and assuring her she’d be safe with them, the blonde steadfastly holding her wand to his face and glaring at him like he’d personally murdered her whole family. He deserved it, he thinks, wearing this mask. Carrying the fucking mark that was one his forearm, slashed up and scarred over but still there. 

“I’m going to use my wand now” he warns them, as he takes it out slowly and turns to the girl “I’m going to cast a spell on the wall and I need you to scream when I do, can you do that for me? It’ll look like fireworks, but it won’t work if you don’t scream”

He doesn’t know how to explain that he needs to pretend he’s torturing this girl. doesn’t want to. He takes a steadying breath; his hand is shaking.

“like a magic trick?” the girl asks and Regulus nods

“exactly like a magic trick” he says, “are you ready?”

The girl nods and Regulus takes a deep breath, sending a hex at the brick wall. The lights spark up in time with the girls scream, loud and ringing and even if it’s fake, even if Regulus isn’t really hurting her, he feels sick to his stomach.

He leaves fast after that, trusting Sirius’ friend and her companion to take care of the girl. he sticks to property damage, throwing curses at street posts and park benches. He ignores the screaming, the laughing, the crying.

And when the order finally moves in, only 4 members to their 10, he makes himself scarce. He makes sure he’s seen, sending hexes at the order members by Lucious and Bellatrix alike but he hangs back, out of the way of both parties. He doesn’t want to do any more damage than necessary.

They get pushed back eventually, because despite being outnumbered the order was filled with highly talented witches and wizards. Four muggles are dead by the end of it and a muggleborn witch who had come out brandishing her wand to fend them off. Lucious calls it a successful night, when Regulus and himself are hauled up in the drawing room drinking expensive brandy while Bellatrix is off with Narcissa.

It takes all of Regulus’ self-control not to snap at him, to throw the decanter at the wall and scream himself hoarse with anger and disgust and self-loathing, the same way he’d seen Sirius do time and time again before he’d been burnt of the tapestry. Instead, he offers Lucious a tight but cold smile and offers nothing to the conversation.

***

He starts writing to Madeline, under the guise of courting, much to Narcissa pleasure.

“she’s a wonderful girl” Narcissa assures him “maybe a little peaky and certainly a little self-important but that’s nothing that can’t be fixed”

The irony of Narcissa calling someone self-important is not lost on him, though he’s wise enough not the voice this particular thought to her.

Madeline, he finds, is an incredibly charming person. She flirts as easily as breathing, though Regulus knows better than to take it seriously, she’s smart, witty, beautiful. She tells jokes and banters without reserve. Regulus finds her very quickly becoming one of his favourite people.

This, of course, does not go unnoticed by friends and family alike. His mother seems pleased enough about it, humming appreciatively whenever Madeline comes up in conversation, which if often when Narcissa or Bellatrix are around. His father seems a little more reserved about it, his face forcefully impassive whenever the matter of Regulus courting Madeline comes up.

Regulus doesn’t blame him for this reaction. He himself would rather not be privy to some of the conversations that have come about, particularly around marriage and heirs. He’s rather quick to shut that one down when it arises. Sirius, of course, laughs at him when he mentions it.

“they’re crazy” Sirius tells him, as if Regulus didn’t already know this “but you do sound pretty lovestruck by this girl”

Regulus denies this, because he’s fairly certain he’s not in love with a girl he’d only met 2 months ago. Not that he really knows what love feels like. He’d never cared much for it; dating was a distraction in Hogwarts and a duty in society. He’d never even considered the option of love.

He doesn’t think of Madeline the way you were supposed to think of someone you want. Years of listening in to his fathers and uncles’ conversations about their wives and later, Lucious and his other cousin-in-laws lurid talks of all the things they’d do if given the opportunity taught him that.

He’s never once thought of Madeline like that. It seems disrespectful to even consider it. She was beautiful and charming and funny, and Regulus certainly enjoyed her company but he’s not in love with her. Regulus is fairly certain he doesn’t know how to feel things like love.

He almost asks Sirius, before deciding it’s entirely too childish to ask his older brother if he knows what being in love feels like and changes the topic entirely to the new wave of propaganda that was beginning to spread about muggles.

***

It’s rare for Regulus to get a moment of peace these days. They were rare beforehand, when Regulus was just the heir to the house of Black with obligations to fulfill but now it’s near impossible to have a moment to breathe.

He’s almost grateful for it. Time to himself means time to think beyond the next task, next mission, next problem to solve. He would be grateful for an interruption right now, he thinks idly, pacing the floors of his room.

It was a hot day, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, the windows of Grimmauld place all opened up and what seems like hundreds of cooling charms working rather ineffectively throughout the house. His parents were out, another business trip. They were taking them more and more these days, telling him less and less. He didn’t mind, not really.

There were no meetings with Lucious, not until the end of the week. No meetings with Sirius either, who was once again traversing the country, though this time on more official Auror business tracking down a dark wizard who’d been causing havoc in Wales.

Which left Regulus with time to think. Think, about the white scars that curl around his arms, think about hands gripping his wrist tightly their nails draw blood, the burn of water in his lungs, the screaming and laughter he tries so hard to ignore.

It’s a miracle no one had seen the scars yet. It had been almost six months at this point and to this day the only people who knew were Lily and Sirius. Regulus was rather fond of Lily, if only for her blunt honesty.

He paces a circle around his room, wonders if he’ll actually wear a dent in it like Andromeda always used to say he would when he’d pace at family gatherings. He hadn’t seen Andromeda in a long time, not since he’d been 11 and had run into her at Diagon ally with his mother.

He’d been cruel to her then. Said nasty things, echoing the same words he’d heard his uncle Cygnus say about her. She’d been pregnant, her child would be so big now and Regulus didn’t even know their name.

he’d been praised for it by his mother and his father and punished for it by Sirius, who broke his broom clean in half. He deserved it, he thinks, even if at the time he’d been utterly indignant. Just like he deserved the scars wrapped around his forearm and torso, deserved the burn in his lungs that reappeared most nights when he tried to sleep. He deserved all of it.

“you look like a mess” a voice chimes suddenly from his doorway. Regulus head snaps to its direction, where Madeline was standing eyeing him with concern.

“how’d you get in here?” he asks, his tone just verging on anger. She doesn’t seem upset by this, shrugging her shoulders and striding into the room like she owned the place.

“your house elf let me in”

“his names Kreacher” Regulus says, he didn’t like it when people referred to Kreacher like he was an object.

“Kreacher let me in” she amends “said something about his mistress being thrilled?”

Regulus lets out a shrill, hollow laugh

“my mother, she’s very pleased with the idea that we’re getting married” he says and Madeline hums

“I wasn’t aware we were engaged” she says. She inspects the photo frame he has on his dresser, a family portrait from when he had been younger. Things had been simpler then, back when his biggest fear was the monster under the bed and his brothers incessant need to be the centre of attention.

“neither was I” Regulus says. Madeline nods, then points to Sirius in the picture

“your brother?” she asks

“yes” Regulus answers. His chest feels tight, the air coming in thickly and slowly.

“I remember him from school” she says, moving away from the portrait “he was fun”

“yes, he was” Regulus agrees. She stops in front of him. “what are you doing here?”

“my mother wanted me to spend the day with Rabastan Lestrange again” Madeline says plainly “so I told her that I already had plans with the Black family heir”

“and what plans were these?” Regulus asks

“I was thinking a walk, maybe a nice cold drink” she says “but for now, I think calming you down from the panic attack your clearly having will suffice”

“panic attack?” Regulus questions. Madeline hums again, gently putting her palm flat against his chest

“your voice is funny and you’re breathing too fast” she says “either your having a stroke of some kind, or it’s a panic attack”

She grabs his hand, guiding it to her chest and planting it squarely in the middle. Regulus feels his face flush

“match my breathing” she instructs, her chest rising as she breathes in slowly and deeply. Regulus follows suit. He matches his breaths to the rise and fall of Madeline’s chest, focuses on the feeling on her hand on his, her thumb tracing circles on the back of his hand.

Slowly, his mind quiets.

She takes his hand away, once she’s satisfied that he’s returned to normal. Her hand remains on his wrist though, index finger stopping just shy of touching the white raised line that started at his wrist and ended at his opposite shoulder, not that she could see that.

“that looks like it hurt” she says gently. Still not touching. Regulus nods, clearly his throat thickly

“it did at the time” he says. She nods, letting his hand go.

“now,” she says, tone shifting suddenly “how about that walk and cold drink?”

***

They’re in a muggle café. Regulus had never been in one before, though he has vague memories of Sirius dragging their uncle Alphard into one while Regulus steadfastly obeyed their parents’ instructions and remained away from the muggles.

Madeline, it seems, was perfectly adepts at sneaking around muggle London, if the way she chats politely with the server and handles their money seamlessly is any indication.

“do you come here often?” he questions, as she slides a fruity looking drink over to him. she’d told him it was called a smoothie

“as often as I can” she says, smiling at him “it started when I was still in school, probably my fourth? Fifth year? Little rebellions against all the pureblood bullshit”

It didn’t seem little to Regulus, who had seen punishments and been punished for much smaller infringements on his family’s ideals. He takes a sip of the smoothie and is pleasantly surprised by how good it tasted. He didn’t have high hopes for a muggle establishment if he was being honest. 

“I never was one for little rebellions” he says conversationally and Madeline snorts, despite the fact he hadn’t been making a joke

“no, you are far more dramatic than that” she says sincerely “sneaking off to a little café is far too tame for you”

“what’s that supposed to mean?” Regulus questions good naturedly. Rarely had anyone ever called him dramatic, not when the people he was often compared to were people like Bellatrix and Sirius.

“now I may be wrong but to my knowledge, your first act of rebellion ever was to completely betray the dark lord and act as a spy against him while not only remaining a member of his ranks but also while living under the same roof as some of the most well-known blood supremacists” she says “you are the definition of the phrase go big or go home”

Regulus let out a startled laugh. It was almost intimidating how accurately she had summed up his entire demeanour.

“I suppose you could say that” he agrees, taking another sip of his smoothie “this is really good”

Madeline laughs, in a way that makes the corners of her eyes crinkle and Regulus decides that it is indeed one of his favourite sounds to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm tired


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus was supposed to meet with Sirius this weekend. His parents were off again, his obligations as a member of the dark lords circle put on hold while the man himself was off doing something or other Regulus wasn’t high up enough to be privy too and they were supposed to spend the weekend trying to figure out how to destroy the fucking locket that Regulus had been keeping locked in a heavily charmed box for a good 6 months now.
> 
> Sirius knew he was coming; this particular meeting having been in the works for several weeks. So, Regulus really, really should not have walked in on his brother flat on his back while his friend from school Regulus only vaguely knew the name of had his tongue stuck down his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is very late, completely unedited and frankly with the week I'm having, the best you're going to get.
> 
> as always enjoy reading and I hope you're having a wonderful day

There was something wrong with his father. He didn’t know what, didn’t have to time to investigate it anyway but he knew there was something wrong. He’d stopped eating with them at meals, instead having Kreacher bring his food to him. he’d also stopped leaving the house.

His mother was tense, or at least more tense than usual and Kreacher bore the brunt of it. Teacups thrown at his head and orders to iron his fingers out, even the occasional curse sent his way that Regulus then had to spend the time convincing Kreacher he was not a bad elf.

They wouldn’t tell him what it was, he found, when he had finally decided to ask. His mother had smiled at him, a rare genuine but sad smile.

“everything is fine” she told him, a hand on his wrist and the ever-present danger of her nails digging into his skin heightened. So, Regulus didn’t argue, and he didn’t ask again.

He debated bringing it up with Sirius but decided that was probably a waste of time. Sirius understood their parents about as well as their parents understood him. so, he went to the next best thing.

It wasn’t rare for Regulus to be at Malfoy Manner, especially not these days when he spends much of his time listening in on plans of a coo within the government and various chaos inducing raids. Narcissa never sits in, she quirks her lip to show subtle distaste towards everyone in the room when she does have to enter for one thing or another.

So, when the meeting is adjourned after far too many hours of Regulus sipping far too much gin while sitting in a marginally comfortable overstuffed chair, he doesn’t go home. Instead, he climbs up the stairs towards Narcissa’s room, where she had told them all she would be heading a good hour ago.

She’d likely just be getting in bed now, one of Narcissa’s defining traits was her vanity, which tended to manifest as incredibly long and specific routines. He knocked on her door, remembers times when he’d been young and staying with his cousins climbing into bed with Narcissa when his long-forgotten fear of the dark became too much.

“come in” her voice calls gently from behind the door and Regulus pushes the door open slowly

“Regulus” she greets in surprise, though she has an easy smile on her face

“I’m sorry to disturb you” he says, shutting the door with a quiet click “I wanted to talk to you, about a family matter”

Narcissa’s demeanour shifts to a be more sombre, likely to match his tone.

“is everything ok?” she asks, sitting on her bed and shifting as a silent invitation for him to sit down next to her. He takes it.

“I don’t think so” there’s a lot that isn’t ok right now. Everything that had happened downstairs not 10 minutes ago, whatever was wrong with his father, the fact that the last time he had seen Sirius his brother had a split lip and 5 cracked ribs. He can’t tell Narcissa about all of it. “there’s something wrong with my father”

“oh” Narcissa says, then puts her hand on his shoulder gently, the other playing with the curls at the base of his neck. She’d always liked to play with his hair, especially when they were younger. It had become one of his biggest forms of comfort over time, whether she meant for it too or not “do you know what?”

“no” he sighs “they won’t tell me, but I know it’s serious”

“I see” Narcissa hums, coiling a strand of his hair around her finger and then letting it go, watching it bounce back into a curl “I haven’t heard anything, though it’s not as if our parents are particularly close”

That was a nice way of putting it, Regulus thinks, recalling every snide comment he’d heard his mother say about Druella.

“I’m worried” he confesses, after a moment “with everything that’s happening. I feel like it’s going to go too far one day”

Narcissa hums again, a little noise that signifies that she agrees with him but won’t ever voice it out loud for her own self-preservation.

“we have our duties” she replies “sometimes they’re unpleasant”

Regulus laughs a little bitter laugh, thinking of screams and laughter and water in his lungs. Unpleasant didn’t even begin to describe it.

“when you married Lucious did you love him?” Regulus asks, the question coming out of nowhere even to himself. Narcissa blinks at him for a moment, apparently taken back by the sudden question.

“no” she answers, after a long moment. That wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting, Narcissa had always been so caught up in Malfoy “I thought he was handsome, and I knew he was rich, loving him came after. I had to think of my future first”

“how very Slytherin of you” Regulus replies and Narcissa smiles

“everything’s going to be ok Regulus” she tells him “you’ll figure it out. Our family has a habit of coming out on top”

Regulus hums, nodding his head. He turns to face Narcissa and kisses her cheek lightly

“have a good night Narcissa” he says “I’ll let you rest”

***

Regulus was supposed to meet with Sirius this weekend. His parents were off again, his obligations as a member of the dark lords circle put on hold while the man himself was off doing something or other Regulus wasn’t high up enough to be privy too and they were supposed to spend the weekend trying to figure out how to destroy the fucking locket that Regulus had been keeping locked in a heavily charmed box for a good 6 months now.

Sirius knew he was coming; this particular meeting having been in the works for several weeks. So, Regulus really, really should not have walked in on his brother flat on his back while his friend from school Regulus only vaguely knew the name of had his tongue stuck down his throat.

“Jesus Christ Sirius!” Regulus mutters, turning around quickly so as to not see anything else. He hears Sirius curse, then a solid sounding thud he assumes is the friend falling to the floor as Sirius scrambled to stand up and button his shirt.

“fuck, Reg, what the fuck are you doing here” Sirius rushes “you’re early”

“I’m on time” Regulus points out “you were just distracted apparently”

“fuck off” Sirius mutters at the same time his friend regains the capacity to speak and begins glaring at Regulus.

“why the hell is he here?” he asks, in a tone Regulus thinks tends to be reserved for garbage on the streets

“remember how I was saying I couldn’t make out with you because I had order business?” Sirius tells the friend “this is the order business”

“meeting with your death eater brother is order business?” the friend questions

“meeting with my brother who is spying on the death eaters is order business” Sirius corrects “it’s a long story, that I will tell you later, please stop trying to set my brother on fire with your eyes”

“fine” the friend says, though he does not stop glaring at Regulus “I’m going to get coffee. Do you want anything?”

“yeah, you know what I like” Sirius says and the friend leaves, snatching his jacket and wand off the coffee table.

Sirius is standing in the middle of his flat, flushed and staring at Regulus like he might suddenly choose to hex him.

“look reg- “

“I don’t care” Regulus cuts him off, before Sirius can say anything else. He looks like he’s about to apologise and Regulus doesn’t want him to apologise.

“what?”

“that you like boys” Regulus says “I don’t care. It doesn’t change anything so please stop looking at me like I’m about to shoot you”

“right” Sirius says, suddenly looking like himself again “so, Horcrux’s, pretty hard to destroy and we’ve got virtually no information on them”

***

They try everything that theoretically, should be able to destroy a locket. None of that works, because by the end of the day they had given up and started drinking with the resolve to try again tomorrow.

“it’s dark magic” Regulus says, taking a long sip from the bottle of fire whiskey Sirius had produced while they sat on the balcony together. Sirius was smoking. “maybe dark magic can destroy it”

“yeah, maybe” Sirius agrees easily. His friend, who Regulus learnt was named Remus, had come and gone again, saying he was going to stay with the potters for the night. Sirius had been in a weird mood since then.

“he’s your roommate then?” Regulus asks. He wouldn’t usually have this conversation with his brother, but he was verging on drunk and Sirius looked like he needed it.

“yeah” Sirius says, taking a long drag of the cigarette and blowing the smoke out “that’s him”

“how long have you been together?” Regulus asks. Sirius laughs a little but answers him nonetheless

“since 5th year” he says. Regulus tries not to seem surprised, looking back it shouldn’t be a surprising thing. Regulus remembers seeing Sirius and Remus around the halls of Hogwarts, always close to each other, always joking, always touching in one way or another. Regulus had been jealous of Remus at the time, the same way he had been jealous of James for replacing him.

“is he the reason you left?” Regulus asks. He remembers the argument that had led to Sirius finally snapping and running off to the Potters, leaving Regulus behind to deal with the fallout.

“he was a part of it” Sirius says “but it was everything”

“I understand that” Regulus says, taking another drink “at least now I do”

***

Remus knows that hiding out at the Potters is not the correct way to deal with this, but he also knows that he does not want to be around Sirius right now. Lily was making tea and James was trying and failing to subtly stare at him.

“I’m fine” Remus repeats and Lily hums like she doesn’t believe him

“you’re here, at our house, even though you are back in London for the first time in weeks and could be at your own house, with your boyfriend” Lily points out “which means something is happenings and you’re avoiding him”

She sets the tea down in front of him, then sits across from him resting her chin on her hands and staring him down

“what happened?” she asks. Remus huffs in amusement

“I just got blindsided by something” he says “I need time to process is all”

“oh god you found out about Regulus didn’t you” James blurts suddenly, Lily turns to gape at him

“James!”

“you guys know about it him too then?” Remus asks and James nods

“yeah, we’ve known since the beginning” James says, “he turned up at Sirius’ and needed medical attention so Lily got called and Lily tells me everything, so I knew too”

“how long has this been going on then?” Remus asks. He doesn’t want to be annoyed but god he is. He doesn’t have any right to be annoyed at Sirius for keeping secrets when he disappears for weeks at a time and doesn’t tell him where he goes.

“six months” Lily admits sheepishly

“how’d you find out anyway?” James asks. Remus feels his face flush.

“Regulus showed up in the flat while Sirius and I were busy” Remus says and James snorts, mouthing ‘busy’ like it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

“hey, this works out for the better” James says with a shrug once he’s gotten over the fit of laughter “Sirius has wanted to tell you for weeks now”

“he has?”

“yeah” Lily agrees “kept trying to convince Dumbledore you’d be helpful for whatever their doing. We don’t know that bit, we just know that Regulus is spying on the death eaters for the order”

“and Dumbledore’s been saying no?”

“he doesn’t even want us to know” Lily admits “the only reason we do is because we were there when they explained it”

“knowing Sirius, now that you know about Regulus, he’ll probably tell you the rest” James says. Remus nods, sipping his tea.

“yeah, probably”

***

Regulus leaves Sirius flat the following morning with every intention of heading back in the afternoon with even more books from the Black family library to test his theory about dark magic being able to destroy the locket.

This plan gets derailed the second he returns to Grimmauld place to find his mother, sitting in his father’s study looking far too pale and shaken for Regulus’ liking.

“mother?” he questions, stepping into the room quietly. He receives no response, his mother continuing to stare blankly at his father’s empty chair. He kneels in front of her, taking her hand in his.

It’s shaking, Regulus notes, which is strange in itself. His mother had a nasty temper, she was prone to fits of anger, destruction and screaming but very rarely did she lose her composure to things like fear or sadness.

“mother” he repeats, finally drawing her eyes to him. they’re red around the edges, shining with tears and suddenly, Regulus is scared. He can’t ever remember a time when his mother cried, especially not openly “what’s happened?”

“your father” his mother says after a moment, she brings her free hand to Regulus’ cheek her thumb stroking a gentle pattern against his skin “he’s- your fathers passed away”

“what?” Regulus asks, though he’d heard what she said quite clearly “when did he- “

“this morning” she says “he’s been ill for months”

“why you didn’t tell me?” he asks. He’d noticed, of course he’d noticed but he hadn’t assumed his father was dying. The idea hadn’t even crossed Regulus mind, not once.

“we thought things would be fine” his mother admits, sounding incredibly weary “we had the best healers in the world looking after him and it still wasn’t enough”

Regulus notes the bitter edge her voice takes and feels a twinge of pity for the healers who couldn’t save his father. A different part of him hopes his mother had done her worst. He chooses not to focus too much on that part.

“what now?” Regulus asks. With his father dead, that means the head of the house of black changes, which would be Sirius if he was still around. Instead, that falls to Regulus.

“we arrange the funeral” Walburga says, any traces of her vulnerability now gone. This Walburga, who was far more concerned with duty and responsibility, was the one that Regulus recognised “everything will be arranged following that”

***

He writes to Sirius. An apology for not returning and an explanation for why. He doesn’t go into detail, doesn’t admit that he was now hauled up in his own bedroom fighting between the overwhelming anxiety accompanying his apparent new position and grief for the loss of his father. He keeps the message short, as he always does when writing to Sirius. He doesn’t sign his name or directly address Sirius.

Sirius doesn’t write anything in response but sends Athena back with a cupcake and bottle of fire whiskey a day later, which is enough to let Regulus knows he understands even if Regulus didn’t say anything. Sirius had always been remarkably good at knowing what Regulus was feeling.

Narcissa and Lucius come around, with flowers, brandy and condolences Regulus is sure only Narcissa means. She hugs Regulus for an abnormal length of time and fusses over his mother like she was liable to break at any moment. Bellatrix comes along with her parents the day after, she doesn’t hug him or offer condolences and he’s glad.

His aunt Druella fusses over his mother too, much like Narcissa did, until Walburga snaps and threatens to stab Druella in the eye with a hair pin if she doesn’t go back to acting like she usually would. His uncle Cygnus, in a rare display of brotherly affection Regulus feels entirely out of place seeing, hugs his mother, whispering quiet reassurances to her and kissing her hair.

Druella hugs him as well, patting his cheek, while Cygnus shakes his hand and offers to have a strong drink with him. Regulus agrees and wonders idly if the amount he’d been drinking recently is enough to warrant concern.

Madeline comes too, later in the evening with a small bouquet of flowers. She smiles at him sadly when he opens the door, greeting him with a gentle hug and asking him if he’s ok. He doesn’t know how to answer her, so he doesn’t. instead he leads her through the house towards his mother, who was drinking tea and reading idly.

“I’m sorry to interrupt” Madeline says sincerely, handing the flowers to Walburga. Deep red ranunculus and black callas lilies, the kind his mother always liked to keep around the house. “I brought these, Regulus mentioned you liked them”

His mother eyes them for a moment, silently the taking in Madeline and judging her for all she’s worth. Then, she nods her head slowly.

“they’re lovely” Walburga says, smiling at Madeline the faux sincere smile Regulus still doesn’t understand the need for “would you like to stay for tea?”


End file.
